Happy Valentine's Day!
February 14, 2004 at 12:46 AM

Valentine's Day is kinda funny this year. I am usually totally bitter about valentine's Day and I turn into the little "I don't have a boyfriend, and I hate all of you that do" bitchy side of me. A long time ago, someone said to me, "Happy 'sucks-to-be-single' Day," and I guess I believed them. I always seem to think of it as that....

But this year, i want it to be different. I can't change the fact that I don't have a boyfriend, but I can embrace the fact that I have lots of love in my life. I have people that I love down to my soul, and that for reasons I still am unaware of...would do anything for me...I don't know what I could have ever done to deserve their love and support and dedication, but God has blessed me with these amazing people...and I CANNOT take them for granted. How can I complain and cry over not having a boyfriend, when I have all these amazing people to love, and love me back. If God loves me no matter what, and has given me my precious family and friends to love me....then WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?!?! Right? What the hell am I doing being so self-absorbed, and crying because I don't have one specific boy to spend it with.

I had an amazing night with all my "Valentine's" singing with Abbey and Deb and Terry and Bill... And my precious Eric....And that's all the valentine's I need. i wouldn't have wanted to spend that amazing night with anyone else (except Dwayne, but he was there in spirit...) The love beams and bursts out of those people, and all the Y.O.U ers....it was an incredible experience. It feels like I got to celebrate my Valentine's Day early, with more love than I have known in awhile...Thank You God, and thank you all you precious souls that fill my life, and make me truly live...I love you!!!

And Eric...I can't stop writing about you...I love the record of my growing closer to you, in any ways that it might be. I feel very close to you and have a deep love for you that is growing. Some things happened tonight that made me realize...

that I love you very very much

that you love me too!

and that even if I have to stand by and watch you, having a special someone in your life, that the relationship I have with you is one that will never die. It will always be. You'll always be a part of my heart, and wherever that leads...I dont know, but it's okay, because I will always have you. Girlfriends will come and go, and relationships will start and end, but the love and friendship that I have with you is something that can last for always...and thinking about that....MAKES ME HAPPY. I may not "have" you in the sense that I have craved...but my heart has you...for always. And I really love that.

Something special happened with us tonight. You played my song with me, which was a very special moment for me atleast, because I love those intimate moments of music with you. It brings in a shared passion...and a love with you. Thank you, I loved it...

And when we were done, you walked to me and said..."I just...i just gotta..." and stopped....

I said, "Just gotta what?"

And then you reached for me and said, "I just gotta hug you..."

And needless to say, that just made me melt...You're so wonderful!

And then, when we were going outside, you handed me your coat..And told me "Put it on," because you knew I had a really light jacket on, and it was really cold outside. I tried to argue, because I hated for you to be cold...but you still insisted..."Put it on" and you gave me a serious face like I better do it...so I did...and I felt snuggly in your coat...it was great.

Then the best part of my night...I got to hear you say words I have never heard from you before...but have always wanted to hear...

I hugged you and told you that you were wonderful and thanked you for playing and being a part of the music...and I said "I love you." Which...maybe is the first time I have actually ever said it to you...

And, stop my heart.....you said the words, "I love you too" while we hugged...

Happy Valentine's Day Wendy....

Love, God.

Life is amazing...