I miss You
January 01, 2004 at 6:53 PM

**FROM SUNDAY**

Yeah, I'm talking about you....again.

I wanted to mention so many things about you...

And what a light you are.

Tonight, when I was driving with Amy, I told her how I decorated your hair with the little clippies and how you looked so cute...and to my surprise, she said, "You're gonna marry him." It was so unexpected...I don't usually hear things like that from her, and I got really giddy suddenly like I usually do when I talk about you with her. It was just another moment of the day that was special because of YOU.

I think I only got one hug from you today...Which is wonderful...but you know, I am noticing lately that so many times when I hug you...I turn around and SHE's right there. Hmmm....I don't know what to say about that. Am I making her upset? It's just a hug...right? Well of course to me, it's not. To me, I am yours, and you are mine for a few brief seconds, and I live for it. I wonder if she sees my eyes when I look at you. They must be full of love, and maybe she hates to see that...I don't know. But she has no reason to be threatened. She has him. In the end, she's got his crush. His free time. Maybe a piece of his heart.....I don't know.

Today you told me that I left my music at your house and that you had been looking at it and trying to figure out things to play with it. I feel so honored just to here you talk like that. I can't even picture you thinking any of my music is worth even messing with...but yet you've always been so supportive...

I love your hugginess lately. I feel very free to hug you and you seem more free to give hugs. I know i can just grab you and hug you and you'll hug back and a lot of times we rock back and forth because I just can't let you go yet. You already know that your hugs are my favorite.

What would life be like if I was able to just hold you all night...

**FROM TODAY**

WOW do I miss you. It's kinda funny, I've seen you so much lately before this week that I guess i didn't have much of an oppurtunity to miss you...

I am glad for taking this week off, but I feel really lost. This is definitely where I am supposed to be, because just taking one week off from singing, and I feel so lost...I MISS IT!!! I know it will be good in the end. I need to take time off so that I am able to miss it, and YOU...but it's so hard because I love it so much. I just can't wait for Sunday...I always seem to have really fantastic worship experiences and feel God so much when I just get to be in the congregation. I can't wait. And then I have an excuse to be gazing up at you. I get to face you, instead of poor you having to watch the back of me. YIKES.

I feel like I haven't seen you in so long...It was only last sunday, but I miss your smiley little face.

"I think I like you....YOU SEXY MACHINE."

I want to know where we stand right now. We constantly make eye contact and you make that really cute face where you move your ears. And I KNOW that you do it because it makes me smile/ And I think that you tease me to be cute and to make me laugh. And usually when you tease me and I give you that look, like I am offended, you pull me in for a hug.

So....I feel so confused...I want you so much. SO MUCH...And I still can't tell...are we flirting? I know I'm trying to...but YOU...are you flirting back, or are we just good friends you have fun, laugh, and hug... I don't know. I'm not very good at this game. And I hate how it can be a game. You showing so much affection, then barely looking at me. Then being happy and giddy and fun...It feels a little like a game.

But all I want is you.

I just want to be enveloped in nothing but you.

I just want to become a part of you.

I wanna marry you and join your family and have little babies that have your eyes and smile.

I can see it. But sometimes it feels like it will never happen.