Can't Stop the Feelings...
September 27, 2003 at 10:46 PM

Why can’t I just let this go...I decided I was done with you. Not that my feelings for you are completely gone, but that I wanted them to be. No, I needed them to be. I can’t have these feelings right now. You’re taken...at least that’s what they say. As much as I have tried to stop the way I feel, I still looked at you with so much longing today. AND...Deb and I had a “talk” on Tuesday. And well, I guess I can say she found me out. Without saying she knew already, she asked me if I had feelings for you...I tried to lie my way out of it, but how can I just sit there and deny how wonderful you are.. It’s just impossible. So...we talked about it, and she totally agreed that you’re awesome. And she thought you were a good “catch.” I tried not to let the conversation go too far, because well it’s embarrassing. I’ve never really talked about the whole boy subject with her, so I am sure I was blushing like crazy. I hoped it would never come up again, and we kinda left that topic alone. I do have to say that I am glad we the discussion though, because it worked to my advantage today. You, Deb, and I were discussing who should ride with who and what cars we should take, when DEB suggested that you and I ride together...Hmmmm...this is a good thing...So I got to ride with you all the way down to that church, and then all the way back. And while it was hard, a lot of empty air, (it’s hard for me to talk to you without feeling like a great bog dork) I found out a couple things I had been wanting to know about you... What I really wanted to know was whether or not you are leaving after this year. This is your senior year, and I have had this fear that I’m gotten so attached, and then you’re just going to leave after this year. SO, I asked you. And...you’re staying here and going to PPCC!!!!!! I’m SOOOOOOO excited...I can’t believe it. Then when I asked you what you were going to study, you told me Fire Science, which ultimately will lead to you wanting to be a fire fighter....WOW. I absolutely love firefighters, and you, and you staying here, and you just really made my day. I can’t say that anything else really wonderful happened, but it was really just so nice to sit there and watch you drive out of the corner of my eye, and be in your presence, and smell the smell of you inside the truck. Here are other things that made my day with you so good...

*When you walked into Deb’s kitchen this morning, I could hardly take my eyes off of you, you looked so amazing. How anyone can look that amazing in a white T-shirt and khakis, I’ll never know, but you do it to me every time.

Watching your lips move as you quietly sang along with the CD. I could kinda hear you every once in awhile and it was so cute...

*After we got there, you asked me to run back out to the truck and get your shirt, which I of course ran to do, because...I love you. And I opened up the truck, and this wonderful scent of you, and your clothes, and your body came pouring out to me. It was heaven. Then I got your shirt, and carrying it I looked at the tag. OLD NAVY, size Small. :) You’re so cute. And it’s such a cute shirt. I just wanted to keep it and be able to smell it all the time. Then I buttoned the top button to keep it on the hanger, and smiled again at how cute the shirt was.

*You went to go get animal crackers, and came up to me with one. You’re exact words were, “Can I interest you in a LION?” You make me so happy...YOU DORK...

I almost got you to go to lunch with me...It was so close...You were looking at the pamphlet and it had a map of tons of restaurants close by, and you showed it to me, and jokingly said, “You hungry?” I thought about it for awhile, and daringly wondered...is he hinting? I kinda let it go, but then when we were driving home, I decided to be daring, and even though I really wasn’t, I said, “Man, I’m getting hungry.” You asked me if I wanted to stop somewhere and I said it was up to you, and you said it was up to me, and that went on for awhile. I finally said I didn’t care though I obviously did, and said you could stop if you wanted since you were driving. And I got so eager and excited to spend even moments more with you. And we continued on our way back to Deb’s where you were going to take me back to my car. And pretty soon, we were there. You never stopped. I didn’t quite know what to think about that. But I was just grateful for the time alone with you, and definitely grateful to Deb for suggesting I ride with you. I’ll be thanking her for that. Eric, you are absolutely beautiful...How am I going to get over you?