Thank you!!!!!!!
July 23, 2003 at 2:19 AM

Anniegirl, you are amazing. I decided to dedicate this as a thank you to you for not only listening to me for like 2 hours, but for being so helpful, encouraging, and just so smart. I feel so much lighter, so much more hopeful, so ready now. I'm taking you're advice you know. I'm gonna try to show some sort of affection for him. I'm gonna step out on a limb and see what happens...I guess it can't be any worse than not knowing right? Thank you for so much encouragement. You made me feel really good about myself and this whole situation, and I am actually kinda excited to step out in the dark a little...Thank you my girl, you're wonderful... Tonight, he did something that made me feel really good. A couple months ago, I performed with the band a song that i wrote. It was a huge step for me. it was the first time anyone had ever heard a song i wrote. It was the first time anyone had ever learned and then played my song, and it was the first time I had ever performed one of my songs, and also performed playing my guitar along with my singing. Many many firsts that day. And lucky me, you were there that week and you played drums for my song. And that was wonderful, and I loved having you there. And you don't usually say this to me or anybody, but I heard a faint "good job" coming from behind the drum kit after it was over. However, stupid me pretended not to hear you. (I really don't know why I did that...) Then, a few days ago, we were talking about the week that we performed our original songs, and we asked Noelle if she had come for it, and when she said no, you said, "You weren't here?? It was awesome!" And I say, you're awesome, because that was very very sweet, especially coming from you... But tonight's was the best one... We were trying to come up with another song for this weekend, and you suggested that we do my song that i wrote...That was so incredibly sweet because I was so proud that week. I overcame a lot of fear when we I did that, and you have been so supportive and accepting, and made me feel even better about the whole experience...And I am afraid to say that when you suggested we do my song that I kinda dismissed you and said no. I just am so scared, I have so much fear. I don't want you to see how much I like you. I don't want anyone to see, and so I act like what you say doesn't matter, when it does, immensely. And I act like I don't have feelings for you when I do...I just don't quite know what i am doing...But I am sorry I did that, because I must have made you feel dumb. And I hate that... I guess i have always had this belief that guys should be the ones to "make the move". The first move. And so i just figure that i am supposed to sit there and try to be irresistible and wait for you to make a move. And then if you don't, I feel rejected and right away assume the feelings are not mutual. But what I forget to consider is the fact that you might be just as scared as me, and maybe I need to be the one to make a move. So now, with this new confidence i have, I am ready to be affectionate with you, and show you how much I like you and love being around you. And I am ready to take Annie's advice and "secretly" tell you that you're hot. You deserve to be told that you're hot and I wanna be the one to tell you. I wanna be the one that always tells you. The way i see it, this is a chance at love. Real love. What I have been waiting for my whole life. And I shouldn't let fear or anything hold me back, because I could fall in love with this boy. I could...This could be it. And I tell you, right now, that's sounds pretty damn good to me....