Funk
July 19, 2003 at 1:00 AM

I'm in a weird mood today

A strange sort of funk

A sadness,

Oddly, without actually being sad

Nothing seems to just work

(As Dwayne would say...)Everything I touch turns to mush

Nothing feels the way it should

Voices and faces are blurry

I wanted to talk

But wanted to be asked

I needed someone to force it out of me

But they didn't

So I listened once again

I should have poured out my heart, but didn't know the words

Whatever it was that needed to come out, would have if I had only let it.

It just didn't feel right.

I don't think I even know what was wrong.

I'm out of it

I don't know what it is

But I know I don't like to feel this way

I wished...

Well really I prayed...

On that star last night

I prayed for you

I wished you closer to me

I wished to know you

I wished nearness and soonness

I cried out with impatience and lonliness and fear and anger and sadness and doubt

And I laid them all out for You to take

But I still hold strong to them

Why can't I let go

Why do I hold onto sadness

Why does it feel so good to cry

To live inside sorrow

Why do I insist on it today

Why do I let the lonliness take me

Why don't I believe it will happen

When do I get my love, my prince, my desire, my destiny, my joy, my whole.

WHEN...

Where is my heaven

I feel it surround me, but circling, just beyond my reach

The touch of the wind on my face is heaven

But it is only a reminder of a touch that I crave from you

The heaven I see only brings grief.

I long to share my heaven in this life and in the next and for all eternity.

Where is that love

Where is that completeness

Where are you

I'm not sure I know how to go on like this

And I'm not sure I know how to stop

Oh Lord I'm so confused

Searching, seeking for so many things that I need to feel complete, human, whole.

Would you please show me

I don't think I know the way